


Divine Intervention

by al_holland



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mythology, Chaos, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Gods, Hokage Hatake Kakashi, Humor, Mythology - Freeform, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Romance, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:35:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29356578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/al_holland/pseuds/al_holland
Summary: In all his years, he’d never been quite so stumped. All the times he’d nearly given up, all the frustrations that weighed on him, they were nearly unbearable. Nearly. Because, just when he thought these two were completely hopeless, there would be a stolen glance, a brush of a hand, a lingering gaze, and he was back to the drawing board.-A god of love is no match for the stubborn obliviousness of Kakashi and Sakura.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi, Shiranui Genma/Yamanaka Ino
Comments: 30
Kudos: 95





	Divine Intervention

**Author's Note:**

> ty to the loveliest [HeyItsWrenn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyItsWrenn) for being my wonderful, much-needed beta <3
> 
> Please also accept [this mushy V-day playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/71nFWXhiALheURE0lNFbiY&si=7b1de9e6fe574dfc) to accompany the chaos that is about to ensue.

Eros was good at his job. Excellent, really. Centuries of experience really did that for an immortal being, y’know? But never in his _hundreds of years_ had he ever been quite so stumped and morbidly frustrated as he was with this case. He had reviewed, revised, reflected, and re-evaluated more over this _one case_ than he had in the last decade of cases combined.

His bosses were starting to think he’d lost his touch. He was almost tempted to give up; go ahead and give that little shit Philia the go ahead. He’d nearly thrown in the towel a dozen times already but his pride would never allow it.

In all his years, he’d never been quite so stumped. All the times he’d nearly given up, all the frustrations that weighed on him, they were nearly unbearable. _Nearly_. Because, just when he thought these two were completely hopeless, there would be a stolen glance, a brush of a hand, a lingering gaze, and he was back to the drawing board.

As he observed the couple, he wondered if a god of love was truly what they needed. Maybe what they really needed was the gift of intellect, so they could understand their bond. They were both quite intelligent already, though. An unparalleled medical mind and a genius heralded worldwide. No, a lack of intelligence was definitely not their problem, he decided.

Perhaps they needed the gift of sight bestowed upon them? He was fairly certain even blind men could see what was between the two of them, but you could never be too sure with mortals. Such fickle beings, they were.

He knew this would be a difficult one from the beginning. When he’d first received the assignment, he had thought the boss lady had fallen off the wagon again. How was he supposed to make a twelve year old girl fall in love with her sensei? He had set it aside, certain it was a mistake. But then, five years later, the assignment came back to his desk, and he knew it was no mistake.

Haruno Sakura was to be matched with Hatake Kakashi. He was certain the lady upstairs was back on the juice.

He stared down at the file again. A fourteen year age difference would be hell to overcome, especially since he had been _her teacher_. That hadn’t lasted very long, at least. He was glad Sakura had left to seek the tutelage of a Sannin. That made his life a smidge easier.

Sakura had also been madly in love with her teammate Sasuke, not that he’d had anything to do with that. He almost wished he had, because if he’d convinced the bosses to let him turn Sasuke in her favour, this whole mess would have been avoided. But _no_ , Uchiha Sasuke was Philia’s domain, and Eros was not to interfere. When he proposed turning Sakura in the direction of her other teammate, Naruto, he had been firmly rejected with that, too. He belonged to Storge.

He had no choice but to put his nose to the grindstone and make it work. He wasn’t sure if it was fortunate or unfortunate that the pair seemed to match up quite well on paper, save the troublesome age difference. Fourteen years to a god was hardly anything, but humans were all so _delicate_ and _fragile_ and died so easily. You fall in love and then, boom; suddenly, sixty years later, you’re dead.

He was determined to make it happen this year. He’d failed for seven years running, but he wouldn’t let that stop him. For seven years he had slowly chipped away at them, taking them from awkward acquaintances to less-awkward acquaintances, to partners, and _finally_ to friends. All that work for _friendship_. They’d finally made that distinction with each other in year five, and now, two years later, they were still decidedly friends.

Eros would get them this year. He just needed to do a deep review of their case, and then _he would get them_.

The issues really started and ended with his failed attempts to inspire romance in the pair. For one, Hatake was devoid of any outward emotional response, which made connecting to other humans rather difficult. Despite this, Haruno seemed inclined to spend her time with him, so Eros supposed that was a good sign.

The other issue was, not only was he emotionally inept, he was also physically unobtrusive as well. Haruno had hardly even seen his face. As a god of lust, Eros found this very disheartening. No one wanted to plant one on a mask. Well, maybe some people did, but it wasn’t terribly romantic. He jotted it down in his notes, just in case. Romance didn’t seem to be this pair’s forte, anyway. Maybe kink would get them there.

Moving on.

There had been the incident in the bathhouse. Enter the issue of Haruno’s short fuse and strong left-hook. Hatake had nursed a broken jaw for three days before she took pity on him and healed it. No one was smooching when there were jaws being dislocated. So while kink may work, voyeurism was clearly not the kink to go for. That hadn’t been his plan, but it was a good lesson to learn, albeit accidentally.

Then, there had been the whole jealousy angle. Eros had thrown every handsome, eligible man Haruno’s way, and she kept _turning them down_. Eros had had his share of humans, and he was speaking from experience when he said these were the cream of the crop, the gold standard, the pinnacle of date-ability. And yet, she remained unmoved.

He wondered if she would be more interested in women. Maybe he’d been set up for failure from the drop. That was just like Hera, wasn’t it?

He turned his attention back to the files in front of him. So, Sakura wouldn’t make Kakashi jealous because she simply refused to be a young woman and date around for fun. Annoying, but whatever. Perhaps Kakashi could make Sakura jealous? It was worth a shot. He jotted that down in his notes, as well.

Inebriation was always helpful, he thought. They would drink around each other on occasion, but nothing had ever come of it. He would have to explore that further. Perhaps Sakura would be more willing to give some man a crumb of attention when she was liquored up? Another note. It seemed likely that uptight-Haruno would let loose a little with some liquid courage. He only hoped it inspired something in Kakashi, because this was getting tiresome.

He had a whole world full of couples demanding his attention, but instead, for the seventh year in a row, he was sat here staring at the photos of these two remarkable idiots, wondering why it was taking _so. Damn. Long_.

He wouldn’t fail this time. He needed more plans. Plans for when A, B, and C failed, and then plans for when those plans failed, too. He was planning plans, and making plans to continue making back-up plans for his plans. He would succeed. There was no other option but to succeed.

 _Suck it, Philia_.

* * *

“Do you ever go home?” Sakura asked as she sat herself primly on the edge of Kakashi’s desk. He leaned back in his chair and kicked his feet up, giving her a nice view of his feet. “Pretty sure that’s toe fungus.” She said pleasantly, scoping him out.

“Ah, you see, my doctor is terribly lax.” He complained. “Doesn’t know my head from my ass.”

“Oh, trust me, she knows. It’s just a lifelong commitment trying to extract one from the other.” She said with a wide smile and mocking head-tilt. He stomped his feet back to the ground.

“How can I help you, Haruno-san? Usually people need to make appointments to visit the Hokage.”

“Usually the Hokage doesn’t sit around reading porn.”

“Oh? You’d like me to re-evaluate your status and become a genin team-leader?” He asked loudly, earning the perked ears of the gaggle of nosy nin that were perpetually stationed outside his door. She leaned forward hastily, clamping her hand down over his masked mouth, yielding a very indignant _mmph_ from her Hokage.

“Okay, okay, fine, your toenails are perfectly healthy.” She conceded. He bit her hand through the mask for good measure. She yelped. “I thought leaders were supposed to be benevolent and forgiving.”

“Which leaders? Not the ninja kind.” He dismissed.

Eros watched carefully as they continued like that, just sitting and chatting, smiling and leaning into each other like they were having the world’s most riveting conversation, instead of gently threatening each other with mildly tortuous unpleasantness. If he didn’t know better, he’d have thought they were already a couple.

Sakura sat on that desk, legs crossed until the sun set over the Hokage monument. She never did say why she had gone to his office in the first place.

For ninja, they walked awfully slow. Eros was trudging along behind them, listening to them go on and on and _on_ in an endless flirtation that neither of them seemed to notice. He’d never come across two people more oblivious than these two. Even when Sakura stopped at a food stall to buy something fried and greasy, Kakashi had teased her but still _offered to pay_. Eros had learned long ago that this was very out of character for Hatake. It was a big red mark on his file.

Haruno simply batted her eyes with a coy _thank you, sensei_ , and on they went. How could they possibly be so oblivious? All the signs were right there.

As he did most nights, Hatake stood on the sidewalk and waved goodbye to his former student while she let herself into her apartment. Once the door was closed, he turned and headed straight back in the direction he’d just come from, back to the Hokage residence to spend the rest of his evening alone, doing whatever it was genius shinobi leaders did.

Eros returned home to continue planning. He needed to jot down more notes. Maybe they’d gotten so accustomed to their ongoing flirtation that they were immune to it now. Maybe what they needed was some third party to point it out to them. That seemed simple enough. But he had to make sure the circumstances were right; couldn’t have them feeling humiliated and then never speaking again. Philia would have a field day with that one.

He followed them every day for a month, learning their habits and idiosyncrasies, taking in more detail than he ever had with his targets before. By the end of his observation period, he knew what floss Hatake used (cool mint coated), and how many varieties of lip glosses and balms Haruno had bouncing around the bottom of her purse (fourteen), and even the average amount of time they spent talking to each other, or sitting next to each other in silence, or staring at one another when the other wasn’t looking (four hours per day).

By all means, this should have been his easiest conquest yet. They were already half-way in love, as far as he could tell. The problem was that _they_ couldn’t tell. All the nuances of a crush were utterly _lost_ on them. He supposed that would happen to anyone after being subjected to it for so many years. With a sigh he stared at all the information he’d gathered over the years and in the past month.

It may have been time to get his hands a little dirty.

* * *

Kakashi had woken up feeling horrendous. His skin was clammy, his heart was palpitating, his throat was tight, and he had a vaguely nauseous feeling that was bubbling incessantly at the bottom of his stomach. He didn’t feel like he was running a temperature, and he hadn’t eaten anything out of the ordinary. With a sigh, he slumped out of his room, resigned to a day of suffering through whatever this feeling was.

When he took in his reflection, his pupils were slightly dilated, and his skin was flushed. He frowned. Maybe he was sick after all. He could go to Sakura; she would definitely be able to tell him one way or another. Then again, she was likely to come to him sooner or later anyway.

Eros watched in utter disbelief as Kakashi ignored _every single impulse_ to seek out his intended match. What stubbornness this was! He had never seen the likes of it before in his unnaturally long life. He hoped he’d have better luck with Sakura on this front. For now, he would let it play out as Kakashi’s apathy wanted it to.

As Kakashi anticipated, Sakura came to his office once she was done at the hospital. Eros watched intently as Kakashi’s palms grew sweaty and his pulse quickened. He even took it a step further and made Kakashi’s mouth go dry as he looked at her, forcing the physical effects of an intense crush on the man until he finally succumbed to it.

“Kakashi? You look sick.” Sakura said, eyes wide with genuine concern. Kakashi grunted in affirmation, reaching out for the cup of water on his desk to help clear his throat. “Let me look at you.” She said, taking up her usual place at his desk, leaning onto it while she stood between his legs to look down at him. She hummed in thought as she felt his clammy skin, took his temperature and looked into his eyes. She prodded under his jaw and down the sides of his neck carefully.

“So, what is your professional opinion?” Kakashi asked, feeling awkward under her scrutiny. Good. Awkward was a step in the right direction. Sakura hummed with a wicked twinkle in her eye.

“You’ll have to let me take a peek beneath that mask.” She said with an evil little smirk.

“No.” He said, pulling away from her. She gripped his chair with that frightful strength of hers and locked eyes with him.

“As your doctor, I’m afraid I’ll have to insist.”

“As your Hokage, I’m afraid I’ll have to demote you.”

Sakura laughed. And laughed, and laughed, and laughed, until Kakashi grew quite perturbed by it. Just to shut her up, he yanked the mask down and looked up at her in defiance. To her credit, she did quite a good job of keeping it professional, not commenting or ogling much. She simply looked over his complexion for any gauntness, and then had him drop his mouth open so she could flash a small light in and peer into the back of his throat. She hummed thoughtfully again, tapping her fingers gently against his jaw.

“Is it terminal?” He asked dully, quirking an eyebrow up at her.

“I’m afraid so, sensei.” She said as she clicked the light off. “You are terminally adorable.” She teased, running her fingers over his stubbly cheek and chin as she leaned back. “But also, you have a mild throat infection.”

Eros growled to himself and left them. He simply couldn’t watch anymore. They had _literal divine intervention_ working in their favour, and _still_ there was always something in their way. In _his_ way. He would have words with the bosses. This was profoundly annoying, and beyond ridiculous.

* * *

Eros tried the same tactic on Sakura. She was incapable of contracting things like _throat infections_ and _the flu_ and whatever other ailments that always seemed to get humans down. So, once again, he inflicted the physical attributes of a powerful crush on her; a fluttering heartbeat, a ball of nervous energy at the pit of her stomach, and a flush that warmed her, head to toe.

Sakura frowned at herself in the mirror, taking stock of her physical state. She was very obviously not sick, but something was definitely off. She frowned and focused her energy inward, trying to calm her nerves. When she opened her eyes again, she felt slightly better. Pleased by her results, she headed to work.

Eros cursed all the way behind her as they ambled toward the hospital. Time for an impartial third party to step in and knock some sense into them. He’d start with Sakura; she seemed a little more susceptible to the charms of romance.

He had wanted to avoid resorting to this because, really, it was just _so primitive_ but they were leaving him no choice.

So, the next time they were sparring, he brought along a weapon of his own. They didn’t do this often, what with Hatake having a village to lead, but sometimes they would sneak away to their old training grounds to squeeze something in. Eros smirked to himself.

If things went according to plan, that wasn’t the only thing they’d be squeezing in.

“So, shall we start slow? I’m sure you’re a little rusty.” Sakura teased, twisting around the field in her sparring gear. Kakashi stood aloof, arms crossed and watching her with amused eyes.

“Sakura, you shouldn’t be so arrogant.” He warned. “It’s unbecoming.”

“Forgive me, I had an awful teacher. A right bastard and a very bad influence on me.” She said, leaning into him and grinning up flirtatiously. Kakashi hummed vaguely but she could still see the ghost of a smirk under his mask.

“Unkind of you to say such things about Tsunade-sama.” Kakashi said, leaning down to tease her in equal measure. Her cheeks were tinted delicately as she tossed her head back in a laugh. Eros watched in pride as her hair fluttered oh-so-softly in the breeze, and the way the sun bounced off the high points of her cheeks, highlighting her natural glow. When she looked him in the eye again, they were bright and dancing, capturing the light of the sun and reflecting its warmth into Kakashi’s eyes.

Kakashi was utterly unmoved. Eros was going to kill this man.

Instead of falling _madly in love_ as he was meant to, he disappeared, leaving Sakura alone in the clearing.

“Oh, it is _so_ on.” She grumbled before blurring away toward the trees. Eros stood, staring at the place they had just been standing, feeling hopelessly frustrated on their behalf. These two had so much sexual tension it was starting to wear _him_ down.

Eros chased them around the training grounds, trying to nail them with one inspiration or another, and every time it landed, he waited with bated breath until one of them just snapped and planted one on the other. And every time, he was left wanting. Every. Single. Time.

Kakashi had pinned her to a tree, lifting her so her feet were dangling just above the grass, leaning into her heavily and smirking, and Eros could feel it. It was coming. Sakura’s eyes were flicking curiously to his mask, no doubt planning on forcing it down so she could explore that mouth of his without the use of a flashlight.

Instead, she forced herself higher against him, rubbing her body up his until she was high up enough to effectively throw him off balance. When he backed away from the tree in surprise, she planted her hands on his shoulders and flipped over him, just to disappear in the foliage.

Son of a bitch.

The next close call came when Sakura wrapped herself like a koala bear around Kakashi’s back, a kunai pointed at his neck. Eros had been sure that she would shimmy his mask down and press warm kisses to his neck until he caved. Or, that perhaps Kakashi would be so enraptured with the feeling of her legs wrapped around him that he would simply decide to stop being such a stubborn prick and _kiss her_.

But, no, of course they wouldn’t do that. That would be too easy. Alternatively, Kakashi decided to disarm her in a quick but rather brutal manoeuvre. Sakura’s nose would have broken had she not relinquished her hold on him so fast.

“Hey!” She cried indignantly, but he was already gone. With a snarl, she chased after him. And Eros after her. On and on it went.

When Kakashi had trapped her with an earth jutsu, Eros was sure it would happen, because Kakashi was leaning into her so intently, staring at her lips so carefully, but it turned out she had a lingering bit of seaweed in her teeth, and he had known that for quite some time. It inspired a ferocious anger in her, which she took out on his earth barrier and then, yet again, Eros was flying on after them.

Then, finally, Sakura had Kakashi pinned to the ground, sat on his hips, pinning his arms above his head and pinning each thigh down with her shins.

“Hah.” She said arrogantly and breathily. Eros wouldn’t take any chances this time. He knew what would come next, they would stare longingly at each other, flirt and smile and blush, and then one of them would do something stupid to ruin the romantic moment, and he would be left pulling out his luscious locks.

Not this time.

He drew his bow and arrow and pointed it at Sakura, the little ruby tip glittering in the sun as he took his aim. He was a brilliant marksman; in his hundreds of years he had never missed. Not once. Not even close. He let the arrow fly, watching in satisfaction as Sakura was sat on her Hokage, perfectly relaxed, happy to have bested him for a change.

Then she was gone, knocked hard against the ground and pinned completely beneath Kakashi’s body, and Eros’ arrow flew _straight past her_ , missing her by mere millimetres and then soaring freely through the air, towards some poor, unassuming bastard. He should have gone after it, snapped it back, done _something_ to stop it from embedding itself into some sucker’s heart, but he was too busy staring in shock at the one couple that he never managed to pin down.

Sakura had managed to pull Kakashi’s mask down at some point, and she was _definitely_ staring at him longingly now. Eros watched Kakashi’s throat bob with a hard swallow as Sakura lifted her head slightly off the ground and closer to his. Kakashi curled his hands softly against her slender waist, bunching her red shirt up ever so slightly as he did.

 _Now…kiss_. Eros willed.

To his shock, _they did_.

Sakura tilted her lips to his, pressing them softly against his mouth, slightly parted as she caught her breath, and slightly curved around a smile. And then she _poofed_ away. Right under his lips, she just. Poof. Gone.

Eros was not ashamed of the guttural scream he released.

Her cackling was loud and wicked as she darted out from behind a tree and toward the edge of the training grounds, a little green book in her clutches.

“Is that— _no_.” Kakashi said to himself in disbelief, patting down his pockets and pouches in desperation. “SAKURA!!!” He shouted after her, but her laughter was already fading as she made her getaway.

Eros sighed and slumped over, mirroring Kakashi’s own disposition. For a moment he felt connected to his infuriating mark. They were both woefully disappointed with today’s turn of events. Kakashi slinked off to pry his precious book out of Sakura’s hands and Eros trudged away to see what sorry sod had been struck by his errant arrow.

He was halfway to the incorrect target when he realized what a dire mistake he’d made.

Kakashi had been _disappointed_. Clone or not, Kakashi had allowed Sakura to kiss him, and Sakura would have that clone’s experience, so as far as either of them were concerned they _had_ kissed, and as far as Eros was concerned this was _progress_.

Some part of him told him not to get his hopes up; they had been here many times before. Like last New Year’s Eve, when they had shared a private toast in his office, overlooking the fireworks shooting above the Hokage monument. Sakura had been as bubbly as her champagne, and Kakashi had been absolutely charmed by her, and Eros had been _convinced_ it was their time.

But then Sakura’s bubbly giggles turned into bubbly burps, and then the only bubbles to be seen were in the throw up she’d expelled onto his shoes, and _just how much_ had she had? Four bottles, all to herself. Kakashi had been very good with her, caring for her, making sure she got home safe, and not even slightly angry about the state of his shoes (even though they were open-toed).

Or Valentine’s Day, two years ago, when Sakura had sent him a little candy-gram, and, whatever it said, Kakashi had actually laughed at, alone and in private, but he _had_ laughed. Once his laugh subsided, he had smiled down at the card fondly and pocketed it, but Hatake happened to hate sweets, so the candy had remained on his desk, untouched.

When Sakura had come to visit him later that week, just to see her gift sat sadly on his desk, she had hid her hurt behind a bright grin and a jest at his expense.

Eros reflected on these times solemnly. It had become clear to him after all these years that these two were actually quite the match (his apologies to Hera for doubting her, and insinuating she was back to day-drinking, even though he was certain she was). The trouble was getting them to see it.

He followed Kakashi back to his home, where he’d showered and slipped into a clean uniform before heading back to his office. Eros imagined he was plotting ways to get his book back, but the romantic in him pretended he was reminiscing on that kiss. It had hardly been anything, but it had been enough. It was an assurance that Eros wasn’t actually on a useless quest. There was something here, and he would make them see it, if it was the last thing he did.

The way things were going, it would actually turn out to be. He couldn’t dwell on that, for now.

He sat in the seat across from Kakashi’s and stared at the man, resting his chin on his hand, propped up on his desk, thoughtfully staring straight through Eros’ head. He saw a smirk briefly appear under Kakashi’s mask before he heard the door behind him open and Kakashi was leaning back, thoroughly pleased to see Sakura walk in.

“Come to apologize?” He asked, holding a hand out expectantly. Sakura’s cheeks were bright red as she moved to sit on the edge of his desk, as always.

“Hardly.” She said with her customary sass, though it lacked its usual bite. “I came to ask you something.” Kakashi raised a curious eyebrow, and Eros did the same. “Do you have plans tomorrow night?” She asked, shoulders squared and back straight like she was here to ask for a raise instead of a date.

Eros squealed in glee. _She was asking him on a date!_

Kakashi cleared his throat awkwardly, ears red and clearly at a loss.

“That depends.” He mumbled vaguely.

“On?” She pressed.

“What are you proposing?” He asked, leaning toward her and resting a hand on the smooth edge of the desk, right beside the bare skin of her thigh.

“There are some protocols I’d like re-evaluated at the hospital, and I could use your help with the proposal.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

* * *

Sakura was feeling nervous when she entered Kakashi’s office the next day, though she wasn’t sure why. She had been honest about the proposal; Konoha’s current medical responses needed serious revamping. But the events from the day before were affecting her more than she had anticipated. Even medically calming herself didn’t seem to work as efficiently as it once had.

Her heart was fluttering as she sat on his desk, pointing to different areas of her proposal as she explained the details to him. He was reading through the paperwork attentively, his eyes following her finger as she pointed here-and-there while she spoke to him. He hummed now and again, signifying that he was actually listening. She was more focused on his hand resting a little too close to her thigh, his pinky finger just a whisper away from her skin.

When he turned his face up to look at her, she could feel a breath whoosh over her thigh, making her hair raise and a shiver go down her spine. He frowned.

“Are you cold?”

“A little.” She lied.

He draped his Hokage robe over her with a cheeky grin. He hated wearing the getup, so he really didn’t seem to mind pawning it off on her for a little while. She thanked him and turned her attention back to her paperwork.

“This is excellent work, Sakura. I don’t see what you need from me.” He said once she’d finished her presentation.

“You know how these things go.” She said, forgetting her nerves for a moment in favour of her professionalism. He hummed in affirmation, knowing all too well how _“these things”_ went. Politics was his least favourite part of the job, and unfortunately, it was the majority of the job.

“You won’t get any pushback on this.” He assured her with creased eyes.

“Why bother with the mask when I’ve already seen your face?” She asked before she could think about it. His eyes widened briefly in surprise before he chuckled nervously.

“Habit, I suppose.” He said, but he moved to drop his mask, all the same.

Eros watched with growing interest. He hadn’t inspired Sakura’s nervousness (okay, he hadn’t inspired it _much_ ), and he was happy to see that _she_ was at least catching on. Now, it was Hatake’s turn. After the events at the training grounds, he had decided to sidebar the bow and arrow for now. Nothing with these two ever went according to plan and he couldn’t have more collateral damage.

That reminded him, he still hadn’t sorted that out. Oh, well. Another problem for another day.

Right now, he was much more concerned with what was unfolding between the two people before him. Sakura had her legs crossed at the ankles, swinging gently while Kakashi leaned toward her with his forearms on his desk. They were smiling at each other, Sakura’s cheeks pink as she took in his face for real this time.

“You are very handsome, you know.” She said a little begrudgingly. He laughed lightly.

“You sound disappointed.”

“On the contrary. I bet good money that you would be good-looking under that mask.” She admitted with a sigh. She reached her hand out before thinking better of it, and letting it drop to her lap instead.

“You _bet_ on my face?” He asked, thoroughly horrified. She was nodding enthusiastically.

“Oh, yes, all the rookies are in on it. The pot had actually grown pretty impressively.”

“Haven’t you won, then?” He asked. She blushed.

“Don’t be cocky, sensei.” She chided. He rolled his eyes but he was smiling. Eros was standing beside them, watching intently. This was flirting. This was flirting and progress, and he could _feel_ the romance budding.

 _Suuuuuuck it, Philia_.

“Technically, I wasn’t allowed to use my position to see your face.” She said with a little sigh and a swing of her legs. Kakashi’s eyebrows shot up high on his forehead and his ears deepened in colour.

“Your…position?” He asked carefully, his eyes running along the length of her legs as they swung to and fro before catching himself and returning his gaze to her face.

“Yes, as your doctor I have an unfair advantage.” She admitted, not at all noticing the way he’d eyed her up. _Damn it_.

“Hm…” He said, watching her legs swing with interest. “What’s the pot up to?” He asked, curious as her face broke around a Cheshire grin that made him equal parts nervous and excited.

* * *

Eros was little more than a spectator at this point, and as much as he didn’t want to admit that, there wasn’t much he could do. All his attempts to force these two together had failed spectacularly. Against all odds, though, they had seemed to find some sort of a stride on their own.

Now, Eros was stood in Sakura’s bedroom as he watched her get ready for a night out. The rookies were congregating in celebration of the rare occasion that they were all back in the village at the same time. Sakura had the added bonus of breaking the news that she had, in fact, won the bet on Kakashi’s face.

She’d agreed to split the pot with Kakashi, but that was small potatoes compared to all the bragging rights she’d get. She grinned to herself as she thought about it. Not only did she have the pleasure of being _right_ , she also had the pleasure of seeing his face.

“And what a pleasure that is.” She whispered to her reflection with a sly smirk before she caught herself and laughed at her own ridiculousness. Eros wanted to encourage that ridiculousness in her. The more she let her mind run wild with it, the more likely she was to act on it, and that was exactly what he needed now. Seven years was far too many. His poor, immortal heart could hardly stand it.

Eros felt his romantic heart swell with pride as he watched Sakura get extra dressed up for no other reason than that she was feeling quite nice after a day spent flirting with her Hokage. Flirting could do that to a person, Eros thought. He would know; he was usually responsible for these sorts of psychological responses in humans.

She did a little spin in her mirror, enjoying the feel of the satiny fabric brushing against her thighs before she strapped herself into a pair of heeled sandals and headed for the door. She was already a little late, but as long as she didn’t arrive after Ino, she was still in good shape.

To her surprise (and Eros’ delight), the rookies weren’t the only ones enjoying a night out that evening. Kakashi was stood beside Naruto, gracefully enduring whatever story he was loudly re-enacting. Naruto only had about two volumes; loud, and drunk-loud. Sakura smiled as she approached the table. He was fast approaching his drunken volume.

“SAKURA-CHAN!!!” He shouted, pushing Kakashi roughly in his quest to scoop Sakura up in his arms and spin her around in an enthusiastic hug. “Hey, why are you so dressed up? It’s not for me, is it?” He asked, grinning cheekily and chuckling. Sakura patted his cheek comfortingly.

“Never in a million years, Naruto.” She said affectionately. He pouted and she placed a kiss to his cheek in consolation. He seemed thoroughly appeased by that and relinquished his death-grip on her.

“Kakashi-sensei came out to join us!” He pointed out needlessly, gesturing to Kakashi as if she hadn’t had her eyes glued to him since she stepped into the bar.

“Good evening, Sakura-chan.” Kakashi said as his eyes danced with warmth and taunting. Sakura felt her heart do a little jig in her chest, and Eros could say with absolute honesty that it had had nothing to do with him.

 _Progress_.

“‘Evening, Hokage-sama.” She said with a coy smile, thrilling at the way his eyes darkened a little as she saddled up beside him. “To what do we owe the pleasure?” She asked, grinning up at him through her mascara-coated eyelashes. The sly minx. Eros couldn’t have been more proud.

“The promise of something too good to be true.” He answered enigmatically, leaning down further to speak lowly enough for only her to hear.

“A pile of cash is too good to be true?” She asked with a surprised laugh. He held her gaze and she could see the signs of a slow smile spreading over his face beneath the mask. Warmth spread through her just as slow and enticing as that smile.

“The cash is just the cherry on top.”

Eros was pretty sure Sakura was about to be the cherry on top of _him_ , if they continued making eyes at each other like this.

“Oi, Sakura-chan, what are you and Kakashi-sensei whispering about?” Naruto asked with a pout and narrowed eyes as he stared at them a little too thoughtfully. Sakura grinned.

“About how I won the bet.” She said slowly and loudly enough for all the rookies to catch.

“What?! No way!” Chouji shouted.

“ _E_ _h_?! Kakashi-sensei, you let her see your face!?” Naruto exclaimed in betrayal.

“Congratulations, Sakura.” Hinata said with a small smile and a demure duck of her head.

“Yes! Sakura-san is as victorious as she is lovely!” Lee shouted, pumping his fist in the air, altogether too pleased to be losing money.

“So…does he have fish lips?” Sasuke asked grudgingly.

“How did you do it?” Shino asked, the voice of calm reason.

“I’ll bet she cheated.” Ino said as she sauntered up to the group in a scandalously low-cut dress. “So, Forehead?” She asked with a quirked eyebrow and hip.

“She caught me off guard, fair and square.” Kakashi said, dropping a hand on her shoulder. The rookies were all incredulous, but they didn’t dare question him. Well, _most_ of them didn’t dare…

“Off-guard how?” Naruto asked, his confusion quickly turning to wickedness. “In the shower?” He asked with a low giggle. Sakura dropped a fist onto his head for his efforts.

“Shut up, Naruto.” She said, fuming at Kakashi’s side. He laughed and rubbed his hand comfortingly on her shoulder. She thought it felt a little odd, but it _did_ comfort her. She leaned into his side.

“I beat him in a spar.” Sakura said with her chin high in the air. She scowled at the dubious snorts that erupted around her. “I _did._ ” She insisted. She elbowed Kakashi harshly in the stomach when her friends refused to believe her. He grunted at the impact and rubbed the spot.

“It’s true,” Kakashi corroborated, “she was both disarming and charming.” Sakura puffed up in pride under his praises, but as she smiled down her nose at the rookies, she missed how his smile turned from cooperative to mischievous.

“Really?” Shikamaru asked in disbelief. “What did she do?”

“She kissed me.” He said, point-blank. Sakura balked but before she could say or do anything, he was gone.

Eros wasn’t sure if this was a step in the right direction, or if Kakashi had just decimated the entire pathway.

“So…does he have fish lips?”

* * *

Sakura was standing outside his door, knocking loudly, not caring in the least that it was some ungodly hour. Eros was watching it all unfold with sick fascination.

“Kakashi, if you don’t let me inside in the next three seconds I’m tearing your door down.” She called pleasantly. Not one second later, he was standing on the other side of the open door, ushering her in.

“Sakura-chan!” He said, feigning surprise.

“I can’t believe you did that.” She grumbled unhappily as she stomped clumsily into his residence. She slung herself into a seat before she finally looked at him. And, _boy,_ did she look. Eros snickered as her throat went tight and her tongue dry as she drank in the sight of him, bare from the waist up, sweatpants hanging low on his hips and hair sweeping into his eyes.

“You reap what you sow, Sakura.” He said with a cheery smile.

“Uh.” She replied intelligently, her eyes glued to the waistband of his pants. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to explore the side above or below them, and so, she was simply stuck where she was. Eros would have been thrilled, except that Sakura was a little inebriated and Kakashi was very _not_. Somehow, he didn’t think Kakashi was the type to take advantage of a situation.

“Do you need a bib?” He asked with palpable sarcasm.

“I don’t have a baby.” She dismissed. “Yet.” She added quietly, still eyeing him up not-so-slyly.

“I think you should go home now.” He said pointedly, feeling increasingly disturbed with the feelings her gaze was evoking in him.

“Hm?” She asked, standing from her seat and slowly making her way toward him. “My feet hurt.” She said once she reached him.

“How much have you had to drink?” He asked, laughing lightly as she braced herself against the mantle behind him.

“Hmm…less than New Year’s Eve, but enough to ogle you without being embarrassed.”

“Ah.” He said in understanding.

“Yep.” She said, leaning even closer to him still. He stayed put, letting her feel him out.

“So you won’t puke on my feet, then?” He teased.

“Hope not. I think I’d like to use my mouth for something else.” She said with a little smirk as she finally met his eyes.

“Such as?” He asked lowly, ducking his head ever-so-slightly. Sakura looked up at him, her eyes darting between his eyes and his lips as she breathed shallowly into him. Eros held his breath.

“Food. I’m hungry.” She said after a long silence. He smirked at her before pulling away. “I want ramen.” She said decidedly. He chuckled as he moved to the kitchen, waving over his shoulder for her to follow.

He pulled instant ramen out of a cupboard—a gift from Naruto when he’d moved into the Hokage residence, and one he hardly ever touched. He was grateful for it now, though. Especially with the way she was standing next to him, reaching up to rest her chin on his shoulder, a feat that was proving to be entirely impossible, even though she had never taken her high heels off.

Eros could see that Hatake’s back and shoulders were tensing with her so close to him. It made him immensely happy to see the ever-aloof Copy-nin break a sweat when faced with a scrap of black silk and some pink hair.

Or maybe it had more to do with the way she was pressing her chest up against his back. Either way, Eros would consider this a tick in the Win column.

Sakura eventually let him go so he could place two bowls on the table with their late-night meal. She looked torn between wanting to tear into the noodles, or tear into Kakashi. She decided the noodles were a safer bet, but that didn’t stop her eyes from roaming freely.

“What is your fixation with my face?” He asked finally, feeling uncomfortable and perturbed under her stare.

“It’s just so different, matching your eyes to the rest of your expression.” She said, smirking at him as she slurped her noodles. “I’ve had to get good at deciphering your emotions from eyebrow twitches and eye movements.” She said with a laugh.

“You’ve seen my face before.” He pointed out. She snorted attractively around a bite of noodles.

“ _Hardly_. The first time doesn’t count, what with your head being practically torn off and all.” She said, rolling her eyes but Kakashi could remember opening his eyes up to her face, tracked with tears and begging him to hold on as long as he could, while the comforting glow of her hands encompassed his neck. He had tried to reassure her, if for no other reason than that she had asked him to, but he had just ended up gurgling on his own blood.

“The mask was gone, my face was bare—I’d say that counts.” He said with a one-shouldered shrug, watching as her noodles splashed and splattered all the way from her bowl to her lips.

“I was a little too busy making sure you didn’t die on me to scope you out, so you’ll have to forgive me.” She said wryly.

“I didn’t know you cared so deeply for me, Sakura-chan.” He teased.

“Of course you did.” She said with a roll of her eyes and a slurp of her salty broth.

“I think, given the chance, you might reconsider your actions of that night.” He joked. Eros watched Sakura squirm uncomfortably in her seat as her heart clenched around the memory of his blood spurting into her hands.

“I’d kill you now, but it would just prove your point.” She grumbled into her noodles, looking like the grumpiest little kunoichi Kakashi had ever laid eyes on.

“That’s my Sakura.” He joked, finally turning to his own bowl of ramen and entirely missing the way Sakura’s eyes widened comically as she sucked up a noodle. The broth splashed up into her eye and she cursed while rubbing at it furiously. She spent the rest of the evening looking like a drunken panda.

The most infuriating part of this was that, as a deity of love, Eros had the power to make people fall in love. Unfortunately for him, these two pig-headed idiots were _already in love,_ and simply refused to acknowledge it. His powers did not include the ability to make people notice what was right in front of their noses.

Eros sighed and headed home. Clearly, tonight was not the night.

* * *

Tonight was the night. She was too charming and ridiculous, and he could hardly stand to put up with it anymore. Who did she think she was, anyway? Waltzing through his home in that dress, smelling like sake and sweet orchids, hair falling haphazardly out of the carefully-cascading up-do she had had at the beginning of the night. He had no doubt she had jostled it in some overly animated argument with Naruto, or Sasuke, or Sai, or probably every single person at the bar, all at once.

He was sorry to have missed it.

But now, she was sauntering around in his home, sitting on everything and brushing her fingers over shelves to pick up dust he knew for damn sure was not there. Maybe sauntering was a bit of an overstatement, because she was getting pretty wobbly in those shoes of hers. He wondered just how long she would last in them.

Not long. She hit the ground with a low thud and a loud curse.

“Whoops.” He said, staring down at her with a pleasant grin. She scowled up at him.

“Why would you put a rug here? This is hazardous.”

“This is the living room, Sakura.” He said, reaching out a hand to help her up. She sniffed in defiance but clutched his palm anyway. He yanked her up, but clumsy and drunk was no match for her chakra-control, and before he knew it, he was tumbling head-first into her.

“ _Oooowwwwww_.” She whined, pushing hard at his head that was buried in her chest. “Kakashi, why is your head so heavy?” She complained, squishing his face as she tried to push him off of her.

“S’filled wih wisdom.” He slurred through squished lips.

Finally, he rolled off of her to lie beside her on his rug, which was actually placed in a very normal, non-hazardous area of the house, and stare up at the ceiling.

“Your bed is uncomfortable.” Sakura muttered unhappily. He sighed.

“This is the floor, Sakura.”

“Oh.” She said. A beat of silence passed. “Then, it’s actually quite comfortable.” She relented. He sighed and didn’t bother biting back his smile. He glanced at her out of the side of his eye, watching as she pursed her lips in thought, staring at the ceiling.

She was hammered, he thought fondly. He hadn’t seen her this drunk in some time. He was just hoping she stayed this mostly-happy-but-still-ready-to-fight drunk and didn’t descend into pukey Sakura. Pukey Sakura was less ready to fight, but she expelled more fluids, and he’d rather deal with her fists than her projectile vomit.

Perhaps tonight was not the night, then. That was fine, he thought. It was still a pretty good one.

* * *

Sakura glared at her reflection. She had woken up with a kink in her neck and a horrible headache, which was fine, really, because she had just cured herself of those ailments. They were pesky, but generally not inhibiting.

The waterproof mascara smudged under her eyes, however? Deeply aggravating.

“Kakashi.” She grumbled, not surprised that he hadn’t heard her, but still annoyed by it. “ _Kakashi_.” She tried again, hardly raising her volume. Still nothing.

She slumped into his room, her shoes clunking loudly on the floor behind her, because she had somehow managed to get her feet out of them without actually unstrapping them from her ankles. She would have thought it was funny if she didn’t have irritation coursing through her, bone-deep.

“ _Kakashi_.” She whispered viciously. “I know you’re awake.” She grumbled, planting her butt on the edge of his bed until he stopped faking it. He grumbled sleepily, making a show of stretching and yawning and blearily blinking up at her.

“Oh, good morning, Sakura-chan.”

“Did you purposely let me sleep on the floor when there was a couch two feet to my right?”

* * *

Eros watched from outside Hatake’s window with interest as Sakura glared at Kakashi’s back while he made them breakfast. He had been surprised to see Sakura was still at the Hokage residence come morning, but judging by the shoes that were chasing after her, and the state of her face, he would bet nothing juicy had happened.

She had stayed the night, which was good, but Kakashi had let her sleep on the floor, which was bad. Eros wasn’t sure what he had done in his immortal life to deserve these two.

Okay, he had done a lot, but these two were enough punishment to absolve _Zeus_ of his wrongdoings.

He watched as Kakashi slid a bowl of piping hot rice topped with ham, peppers and a fried egg in front of Sakura’s deeply unhappy face. She pouted down at it until he sprinkled scallions over it. She was immediately appeased.

Eros noted that down. Hatake knew her food preferences; a good sign. He also knew how to diffuse her anger. Feeding the beast was an important part of every successful relationship.

He sat down beside her with his own bowl, sans-scallions but drizzled in hot sauce. They shared a thanks for their meal and dug in, sipping on coffee and smiling at each other over their bowls. Kakashi did an excellent job in not mentioning Sakura’s keen likeness to a panda. Eros jotted that down, too. Sensibility and self-preservation were also very important in relationships

On the flip side, Sakura was demonstrating the exact opposite of what Eros would have liked her to demonstrate. He cut her some slack; up until today, she had been the forerunner in this race. Eros had been banking on her efforts to get them together, so he supposed he could overlook this one bad day. He just hoped she would be able to get rid of that mascara sooner rather than later.

She had similar hopes, it seemed. She requested the use of Kakashi’s shower before she would have to make the shameful walk home in yesterday’s dress and heels. She could at least maintain some decorum by having a clean face and untangled hair.

He shrugged carelessly and waved her off. Eros was pleased to see she kissed his cheek in thanks, for both the breakfast and the shower, before she scuttled off to the bathroom, shoes still clunking behind her every step of the way. Kakashi chuckled to himself as he watched from the kitchen.

Fifteen minutes later, Sakura was shouting.

“Kakashi!!! Where have all your towels gone?!”

Kakashi snickered to himself, and remained seated in the kitchen, pretending he hadn’t heard a thing. Five minutes later, Sakura came plodding out, leaving little footprints all the way from the washroom to the kitchen, where she presented herself to him smugly.

Eros supposed she had wanted to annoy him, but he understood the look on Kakashi’s face better than Sakura did.

“That’s my robe.” Kakashi said needlessly.

“It sure is.” She said smugly, wiggling side-to-side and stretching her arms out to display just how thoroughly she was wearing his robe. It was far too big on her, obviously, and she had practically double-wrapped it around herself to make it tight enough to keep from exposing herself. He imagined Kakashi wouldn’t have minded a little exposition.

“But that’s mine.” He said, staring at the way her legs poked out from under its long hem.

“You steal my towels, I steal your robe.”

“The towels are mine, too.” He pointed out, finally looking her in the eye. “You got out of the shower and put my robe on?” He asked, absolutely pointlessly.

“Yes, Kakashi, that’s generally how one uses a robe.”

“From the shower, to my robe, and then into this kitchen.” He said, staring at her unblinkingly. She rolled her eyes.

“ _Yes_ , Kakashi. Are you having a stroke?” She asked, looking genuinely concerned. She moved toward him to get a good look at his face. “Any numbness? Pain?”

“I’m not having a stroke.” He said in exasperation, swatting her hand away from his face. “Or maybe I am.” He reconsidered. “Because you are stood in my kitchen, wearing my robe, without a lick of clothing on.” He said, deadly serious.

Eros almost screamed in joy. _Finally_ , Hatake was showing some _initiative_! This year really would be his year, and _suck it, Philia!!!_

Sakura turned pink, all the way from her bright green eyes to her bright green toes.

“Well…” She started, staring down at her feet.

“Well?” He prompted.

“You took all the towels away.” She pouted. “And I wasn’t about to put yesterday’s panties back on.” She said with a roll of her eyes. Sakura was back in Eros’ good books. Talking about panties was a good move. Tick for Sakura.

Kakashi spluttered and Eros genuinely worried he was going to upchuck that breakfast all over Sakura and his robe. They stared at each other, deadlocked. Neither one willing to back down, but not entirely knowing how to move forward, either.

“So…” Kakashi started. Eros wanted to scream at him to stop that thought process, that it could lead nowhere good, but mostly, he wanted to let him continue because it promised to be an interesting turn of events, and he was fairly certain nothing about this morning was about to take a romantic turn.

“What?” Sakura asked with trepidation.

“You were just…going to walk home without underwear?” He asked, his face twisted in disbelief and his ears bright red. Sakura spluttered.

“You—you’re a pervert, Kakashi!” She shouted, pointing at him accusingly.

“You said you weren’t going to put your panties back on!” He rebutted helplessly.

“Stop talking about my panties!”

“ _You_ are the one that brought it up!”

Eros flew away. They were utterly hopeless.

* * *

“Forehead, what on earth are you wearing?” Ino asked in horror as Sakura stepped into her apartment.

“Shut it, Pig, I’ve had a hell of a morning.”

“Does it have something to do with the fact that you’re wearing some man’s reject workout clothes?” Ino said with a raised brow and an unimpressed lift of the old sweater between her thumb and forefinger.

“Um, I think these are actually on regular rotation for him.” Sakura said, taking a good look at the standard-issue sweater, and drawstring shorts she’d taken from Kakashi.

“Him, who?” Ino asked conspiratorially, wiggling her eyebrows. Ino was a woman after Eros’ heart. He decided that if there was a third party he would get to intervene on his behalf; she would be a good bet. He noted that down.

“Um…Kakashi.” Sakura said, ducking her head as she blushed. After he had announced to their entire party that she had kissed him, there wasn’t really much of a point in pretending they never spoke to each other. Eros certainly had no qualms about it; the more people who saw them as a couple, the easier his life would be. Maybe their friends could convince them that they were already halfway in love, and might as well just go for it.

Gods knew, Eros was having no luck on that front.

“ _Hokage-sama_?” Ino asked, as if she’d just uncovered the scandal of the century. Maybe she had. Sakura rolled her eyes.

“He’s just… _Kakashi_.”

“To you, maybe. To _me_ , and every other shinobi in this village, he’s Hokage-sama. Trust me. He bosses me around enough to have the title.” Ino grumbled unhappily. “But…maybe you like that?” She asked with a suggestive waggle of her eyebrows.

“Ugh, Pig! I just crashed at his place last night, and he gave me something to wear this morning.”

“You gonna give ‘em back to him?” She asked. Sakura fidgeted which told Ino everything she needed to know. “Mm-hmm, _that’s what I thought_. You’re totally into him, Forehead!” Ino squealed in excitement. Eros scribbled down some more notes; Ino would prove to be invaluable to the cause he realized. Finally, _an ally_.

“Oh— _pfft—_ as if. He’s _Kakashi_.” Sakura said with an unhappy twist of her mouth, but that forced-upon expression couldn’t hide the twinkle in her eye or the flush that sat high on her cheeks.

“Mhmm, yeah, I’ll bet he is,” Ino said wickedly, “ _Kakashiiii_!” She whined in an over-the-top show, tossing her head back and gasping in mock-ecstasy. Sakura flushed deeply.

“Pig! You’re incorrigible!” Sakura chastised. “Nothing is happening between me and _Kakashi-sensei_.” Sakura said pointedly.

“Mhmm,” Ino hummed dubiously. “ _Can I stay here with you tonight, sensei?_ ” Ino mocked with a coy bat of her eyelashes and a dramatic pout. Sakura threw a couch cushion at her face.

“Get out of my apartment, Pig.” She grumbled unhappily, but Ino couldn’t hear her over the sound of her own laughter.

* * *

It occurred to Eros that he still hadn’t followed up on that whole _arrow to the heart of an unintended target_ thing, but he didn’t have time to deal with that right now. He was tailing Kakashi, trying to figure out where exactly he was at. If Sakura had an Ino in her life to push her toward Kakashi, Eros could only hope that Kakashi had one of those, too. He would tail him until he found out who that person was.

It was clear these two would not make the move without outside influence.

Kakashi led a terribly dull life outside of Sakura, Eros realized belatedly. How had he never noticed this before? The man went from his home, to his office, _sometimes_ to the training ground, rarely out to any restaurants or bars with friends, and _never_ to anyone else’s home.

Well, that wasn’t true. Eros had seen him go to Sakura’s home before.

Eros was just about ready to give up and go back to Sakura when Hatake finally did something interesting. He was sat at his desk; he had dismissed the others for the day, and was just slowly gathering himself to leave when he slid open the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out a tiny, glitter-spangled heart-shaped card.

 _'You Rok-udai-me world’_ was scrawled across it in some pink-inked chicken scratch, and signed off with a little pointy heart. Kakashi was smiling very fondly at it, even though the edges were frayed and most of the glitter had fallen off. Eros thought it wasn’t terribly romantic, as far as valentines went, but whatever rocked the Rokudaime was good for him. He never pegged Sakura for a pun kind of woman.

It seemed worth writing down. No detail was too small when dealing with unprecedentedly difficult marks. For all Eros knew, puns were the key to Kakashi’s heart. He certainly seemed very fond of this one, even though it was two years old.

One of the shadowy masked-nin popped out from his hiding place, effectively scaring the bejesus out of Eros. Kakashi barely reacted, but for a questioning raise of his eyebrow.

“Didn’t I dismiss you?” He asked coldly. Raucous laughter came from the other side of the mask before it was lifted; revealing a man Eros knew to be Shiranui Genma. A friend of Kakashi’s. Well, Eros had categorized him as a friend, anyway. Kakashi hardly gave that title to anyone.

Eros giggled to himself as he recalled that Kakashi _had_ considered Sakura a friend. Normally that would have been tantamount to failure in the eyes of romance, but for Hatake, admitting he shared a bond with someone was practically a marriage proposal.

“Whatcha reading?” Genma asked, smirking and pulling a senbon from his hip holster to slip between his teeth. Kakashi’s brows pinched together tightly, and Eros imagined he was probably scowling beneath that mask of his.

“Your termination papers.” Kakashi muttered unhappily. “Lurking around in the Hokage’s office after you were dismissed is practically treachery.”

“Pretty sure the Hokage should have realized he had an unwelcome guest. Something’s got you seriously distracted.” Genma said with a wiggle of his eyebrows and a widening smirk. Eros thought this may have been the heavens opening up and bestowing upon him one more miracle. Genma was the catalyst he needed to force Kakashi toward Sakura once and for all.

Kakashi was able to avoid Genma’s lightning-fast lunge for the glittery heart by the skin of his teeth. He glowered at his friend.

“Eh, you don’t have to be so touchy. I’ve already rifled through all your drawers when you weren’t around, anyway.” Genma said with a careless wave of his hand.

“I must be the most disrespected Hokage in history.” Kakashi lamented quietly to himself.

“Yeah, probably.” Genma said with a bright grin. “So you and Pinky, huh?” Genma said suggestively.

“You’re fired.”

* * *

Genma and Ino were the key, Eros could feel it. Those two were flirtatious bulldozers, and if anyone could convince his thick-headed marks to just _fall in goddamn love_ , it was them.

Now, he just had to find a way to get them to shove the two together on their plane of reality.

“Why do I have to go to this again?” Sakura asked unhappily as Ino emptied out the contents of her closet onto Sakura’s bed.

“The Hyuuga clan is celebrating its darling daughter Hanabi.” Ino supplied, her back still turned to Sakura as she tossed things over her shoulder. A sweater landed on Sakura’s head.

“Yes, thank you, I know _what_ the event is. I want to know why I’m going to it.” Sakura mumbled unhappily, plucking the sweater off her head and tossing it to the side.

“Because you are the Godaime’s apprentice, head of the hospital, and lead med-nin for Konoha. Besides,” Ino said with a wicked smirk, “Kakashi-sama will be there.” Sakura rolled her eyes and flopped back onto her bed, lumpy with piles of clothes.

“Ugh, _Pig_ , there is nothing going on between me and Kakashi!” She shouted indignantly, even though her cheeks reddened and her heart skipped several beats. Rotten liar.

“Then why’d you kiss him?” Ino asked pointedly. “C’mon, I know there’s a big ol’ brain behind that forehead, so why don’t you use it?”

“I just kissed him to distract him during our spar.” Sakura admonished, her face still bright red. “As if you haven’t done worse.”

“Oh, sweetie, you’re not ready to talk about the things I’ve done during a spar.” Ino said wickedly. As an entity of lust, Eros liked this girl very much.

“Shikamaru?” Sakura asked interestedly.

“ _Shino._ ” Ino said with a salacious wink. “And don’t change the subject. What does he look like under that mask?” Sakura chewed on her lip nervously, eyeing Ino warily.

“He’s…adequate.”

The two women stared at each other blankly in silence. Eros sighed.

“Wow. You kiss your mother with that mouth?” Ino asked deadpanned.

“Fine, he’s absolutely, disgustingly, unfairly gorgeous, is that what you want to hear?” Sakura said with a roll of her eyes.

“Well, now I think you’re just saying that for my benefit.” Ino complained, turning her attention back to the closet.

Sakura grated her teeth and growled at Ino in frustration before getting up to pluck a dress from the pile of clothes on her bed. She stripped down to her skivvies and wiggled into the dress before thrusting her arms out in a grand display to Ino. Ino appraised her carefully, humming critically and circling her slowly.

“Adequate.” She said finally with a cheeky grin.

* * *

“Why am I going to this again?” Kakashi asked, unimpressed as Genma passed him one of his own beers.

“You’re the Rokudaime Hokage and the Hyuuga clan is one of the most important shinobi clans in Fire.” Genma said before clinking his bottle against Kakashi’s and tossing it back.

“Ah. Right. That’s why.” Kakashi said with a long sigh. “I don’t suppose you’d like to be Hokage for a night?”

“Does that mean I get to hook up with Pinky?” Genma asked with another toothy grin. Kakashi frowned.

“By all means. I’d love to see you try.” Kakashi said with an insincere crease of his eyes. “Her killing you would save me the paperwork of firing you.”

“You wanna put money on it?” Genma offered. Kakashi eyed him warily.

“Put money on what exactly?”

“Sakura-chan will be eating out of the palm of my hand come midnight.” Genma said with a cocky shrug before extending his hand out to Kakashi to shake in agreement. Kakashi stared at it for a moment, perplexed. Finally, he hummed vaguely and clasped his hand with Genma’s.

“She’s going to eat you alive.” Kakashi warned.

“Can’t wait.” Genma said, all too happy.

* * *

Eros hoped Sakura didn’t get as drunk as she had the last time she’d gone out drinking with her friends. The celebration may have been for Hyuuga Hanabi, but the Rookie 9 were all in attendance, and were as rowdy as ever. The stuffier clan members were regarding them with disdain, but the guest of honour seemed to enjoy it thoroughly, so they couldn’t very well put an end to the foolishness.

Eros was glad for the foolishness, because Sakura was letting her hair down, so to speak. He only hoped it would have the same effect on Kakashi. He didn’t have high hopes that the Hokage would let loose at a prestigious clan event, but an immortal entity could dream.

Sakura was a _hit_ , thank the gods for Ino. Not that Sakura wasn’t a beautiful woman in her own right, but Ino’s influence really had her turning several heads. Jealousy was a priceless tool in Eros’ arsenal, and he was certain between Sakura’s naughty dress and Genma’s well-placed bet, that Kakashi would be seething with it.

Eros giggled in anticipation. He loved a good green-eyed-monster-fueled display of passion.

Eros spotted Kakashi and Genma walk in before Sakura did, and Kakashi saw Sakura before just about anyone else in the room. Eros watched as his dark eyes roamed her, from her crimson lips down to her stilettos, then back up her legs, to the slits on either side of her dark sapphire dress.

Genma whistled lowly.

“You sure you want me to go through with this?” He asked, lips quirked up in a taunt. Kakashi shrugged carelessly, finally tearing his eyes from the kunoichi. “Go grab us a couple of beers.” Genma said before nodding his head toward Sakura and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “I’m goin’ in.”

Eros searched for signs of jealousy in Kakashi, but was disappointed to find absolutely none. Perhaps he just needed to bear witness to the shameless flirting, and then the spark of envy would catch.

When Kakashi approached Genma and Sakura, and the rest of the group they were standing in, his eyes landed solely on Sakura, creased slightly in a soft smile. She returned it, equally soft and exclusively for him before wrapping an arm around him in a casual hug. He returned it easily, wrapping one arm around her shoulders and squeezing her to him gently.

“Doesn’t Bubblegum look heavenly tonight?” Genma asked with a wink to Sakura. She rolled her eyes but laughed as she stepped out of her embrace with Kakashi. “Maybe heavenly isn’t the right word…”Genma considered as he eyed her bottom in her clingy dress. Eros was sure he saw Kakashi’s eyes flash dangerously at that.

Time for Eros to egg them on. He snapped his fingers and sent Sakura’s clutch tumbling out of her hand and onto the floor. She immediately moved to bend over and pick it up, but Kakashi was quicker.

“Mind your dress, Sakura-chan.” He said lowly as he handed her the bag. Her cheeks were pink as she accepted it, but her eyes were twinkling with mirth.

“I think you’re minding it enough for the both of us.” She teased. Eros screamed.

“As Hokage, it’s my duty to watch the back of everyone in this village.” He said, his smile evident in his words as he gazed down at Sakura’s flushed face.

“Very noble of you.” She praised, a teasing smile pulling at her lips.

“Well, it’s a difficult job, but someone’s got to do it.” He said with a tired sigh. She giggled lightly.

“Dedicated and vigilant. We’re lucky to have you Rokudaime-sama.” She said, raising her glass in a cheers to him. The two of them shared in the drink, still making eyes at each other over their respective beverages.

“To the illustrious Rokudaddy.” Genma said loud enough for the entire group around them to hear. Kakashi choked on his beer.

“Rokudaddy…damn, why didn’t I think of that?!” Ino cried.

“You’re all fired.” Kakashi grumbled unhappily.

* * *

Kakashi was eventually pulled away to engage in some far less interesting conversation as Hokage. Eros decided to save himself the tears of boredom and stick with Sakura in his absence. With Kakashi gone, Genma had also slinked away, not entirely interested in putting on a show of hitting on her when Kakashi wasn’t even there to witness it.

Unfortunately, in the absence of Kakashi and Genma, some other interested parties made their presence known. Sakura politely turned them down, and then did it again rather impolitely when they wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Eros wondered if she had turned them down because she wasn’t interested in them, or if it was because she happened to be interested in someone else, despite all her protests.

He didn’t have to wonder for long, though, because both Genma and Kakashi were moving past her and her rowdy group of friends again.

“Hey!” Sakura called out excitedly, waving them over to where she was sat, sunken into a plush violet sofa.

“Hey yourself, Pinky.” Genma said, sitting next to her with a flirty smirk. She raised an amused eyebrow at him.

“I’m not cancelling your physical, Shiranui.” Sakura said with a sly grin of her own. Genma laughed.

“Looking forward to it.” He replied in good humour. “Actually, I’m not here to talk about me.” He admitted, dropping an arm across her shoulders.

“That’s a first.” Sakura teased. Kakashi was watching the exchange with disturbed interest, slowly sipping on his beer. Her gaze flicked to him and transitioned from amused to something much more fiery. Eros clocked the way Kakashi swallowed hard around his sip of beer. “So what’s got you feeling so uncharacteristically selfless?”

“I’m hurt, Bubblegum. I am always selfless.” Genma said with a toothy grin and a hand on his heart. Sakura laughed straight in his face, not that that seemed to face him. “Well, I’m selfless when it really counts, anyway.”

“You’re incorrigible, is what you are.” Sakura said with a roll of her eyes, but she was grinning infectiously. Eros slid his attention to Kakashi.

Kakashi was absent-mindedly swirling his bottle as he took in the way Sakura was slumped back into the soft sofa, her legs crossed primly in front of her while Genma leaned heavily into her personal space. There were tells, usually, when someone was having their space unwelcomingly encroached on. Sakura, unfortunately, was displaying none of them.

She wasn’t leaning away, or crossing her arms, or darting her eyes around in search of intervention. She also didn’t appear to be encouraging Genma with her body language either, though. She was simply unbothered and good-natured about it all. Eros didn’t know what to make of it. And if Eros didn’t know what to make of it, that meant Kakashi was most definitely reeling.

“Excuse me, I’m pretty sure I just saw Ino hitting on someone’s grandfather.” Sakura said with a small smile to Genma and a slightly wider smile to Kakashi. He nearly dropped his bottle when she winked at him and proceeded to walk away.

The little _minx_. Was that an extra sway in her hips? By the way Genma and Kakashi seemed positively hypnotized, he’d have to say it most definitely was. Maybe he had been too quick to give up on her.

“Man, even if I lose this bet, she’s worth it.” Genma said with a shake of his head as he watched her walk away. Kakashi slid his eyes briefly to his friend. “You sure you’re okay with this?”

Kakashi was silent, his face blank. Eros knew better. This was his area of expertise, and he knew that the slight narrowing of Kakashi’s eyes, and the almost-indiscernible tightening of his jaw meant that Kakashi was very much _not_ okay with this.

* * *

“ _What_ do you think you’re doing?” Ino whispered fiercely, pinching Genma’s ear tightly between her fingers.

“ _Ah-ah-ah_ …” He grunted as she tugged him around by his head. She relinquished him with a sharp _tsk_. “What the _hell_ , Yamanaka?”

“I am _trying_ to get those two dumbasses to _finally_ hook up, and you are _ruining everything_.” She said, glaring at him with her hands on her hips and her jaw set. If Eros had been in Genma’s position, he probably would have relieved himself right then.

“Easy, Sunflower.” Genma said with a laugh, raising his hands in surrender. “I’m on your side.” He smirked at her and stuffed his hands into his pockets. Ino considered him coldly before she backed down, but only just.

“Explain.” She said, folding her arms in front of her, effectively pushing her bosom up and straight to Genma’s attention. He wasn’t subtle about dropping his eyes and she wasn’t subtle about how little she minded.

“Our dear Hokage is dragging his feet. I’m trying to inspire him a little.” Genma said before waving two fingers to the woman behind the bar. “A beer and…” His eyes slid to Ino questioning.

“Redheaded slut.” Ino answered. Genma chuckled and looked to the bartender with a crooked smile.

“What she said.”

“Comin’ right up.” The bartender said before moving away.

“So, what kind of inspiration are we talking? Because I had a few ideas myself.” Ino said, leaning against the bar and oh-so-coincidentally cocking out a hip along the way. Genma lifted an eyebrow up at the hip, but that didn’t stop his eyes from slowly making their way up her body and back to her eyes.

“What kind of ideas?” Genma asked, leaning in conspiratorially. Ino smirked wickedly.

“The kind that involve a thong and a very distressed Rokudaddy.” Genma threw his head back and laughed.

* * *

Kakashi glanced curiously over to where Genma was stood at the bar, laughing loudly while Yamanaka Ino twirled her hair flirtatiously. He smirked to himself. He was in a position to not only gloat that Sakura was having none of Genma’s usual bullshit, but he would also have the added benefit of some extra cash lining his pockets.

As interesting as that flirtation was, he was far more interested in watching the poor, misguided soul who was currently approaching Sakura with a drink extended to her. Sakura refused the drink, naturally, because it was against her nature to accept drinks from strange men, and against a shinobi’s nature to accept anything from anyone.

Kakashi wondered who this guy was. He didn’t recognize him, but he could have been a chunin that had slipped under his radar. Whoever he was, he was brave, if not a little bit stupid. Sakura had been turning people down left, right and centre, all evening long. She hadn’t even entertained conversation, save for Genma.

Even then, she had spent half that conversation looking at _him_ with a coy smile and sparkling eyes. It had made something in him stir.

“Good evening, Hokage-sama.” Kakashi started, nearly dropping his bottle for the second time when Hinata stood before him, bent in a dignified bow. “The Hyuuga clan thanks you for your attendance. Your presence is always welcome within the clan compound.”

“Ah…thank you, Hinata-san. But, please, drop the _Hokage-sama_. Makes me feel so old and stuffy.”

“You _are_ old.” Naruto said dryly. “When are you gonna retire, huh? It’s my turn.” He continued, with a bright grin and a mischievous laugh. Hinata dug her elbow into his stomach, her gentle smile never faltering.

“Please ignore Naruto-kun, Kakashi-sama. He’s drunk.” Hinata said softly.

“Uh, that’s fine, but really, you don’t have to call me—”

“Enjoy your evening, Kakashi-sama!” Hinata said with one final bow before dragging Naruto away. Kakashi watched them leave, looking wholly disturbed. Sakura was giggling over her martini glass at him.

“How come you never ask me not to call you _sama_?” She asked with a pout.

“Because you are a vindictive harpy.” He answered simply. “As your former sensei and your Hokage, you could stand to show me a little more respect.” Sakura hummed in thought, her pouted lip jutting out a little further. Kakashi’s eyes dropped to it before he remembered himself.

“I see…” She considered, her eyes dancing with mischief. “So, shall I call you sensei?” She asked. Kakashi eyed her warily as she stepped closer. “Or, would Kakashi-sama be better? Hokage-sama? Rokudaime-sama? There are so many options; you can see where a girl might get confused.”

“I think I can leave that to your discretion.” He said, his voice sounding a little tight. Sakura smirked.

“Oh? So considerate.” She said. Kakashi was getting nervous, and rightly so, because Sakura was clearly on a mission. “In that case, I think I’m rather partial to _Rokudaddy_.”

Kakashi’s felt his face go bright red above his mask and Sakura giggled.

* * *

“Shit, where’d they go?!” Ino cried, smacking Genma’s head away.

“Hm? Who?” He asked, ducking back into her neck.

“Forehead and the Hokage, you idiot!” Ino said, smacking the top of his head again. He pulled away from her, looking a little dazed.

“Forehead?” He asked, dazedly. Ino rolled her eyes and grabbed him by the sides of his face again.

“Oh, forget it.” She said before pressing his lips back to hers. “Your place or mine?” She mumbled.

Eros walked away to the background noise of Genma chuckling. He had gotten distracted by the two biggest flirts in Konoha—and really, could anyone blame him? This was literally his job—but now he realized that Ino made an excellent point.

Where the _hell_ were Hatake and Haruno?

* * *

“You owe me half the pot.” Sakura said pointedly, dipping her spoon into the paper cup cradled in his hand. “I thought you hated sweets?” He eyed her in mild betrayal as she scooped a large bite of ice cream out of his cup.

“I have my moments.” He said dully as he stared after her spoon pointedly. She was unbothered, shoving it into her mouth with a careless shrug. “Who told you I hate sweets?”

“No one had to _tell_ me, Kakashi.” She said, rolling her eyes. “Sorry,” she said with a wicked smirk, “ _Kakashi-sama_.” She corrected. He groaned lightly and shook his head in dismay. She was relentless, but at least she wasn’t calling him Rokudaddy anymore.

“Do you just live to make me uncomfortable?” He asked miserably. She just laughed.

“You don’t look very uncomfortable to me.” She said, pointedly looking down to where her legs were draped over his on the park bench they’d made a temporary home on. He had absently been stroking his thumb against the outside of her leg, just above her knee.

“I’m just making the most out of a miserable situation.” He said adamantly, his thumb pressing a little more firmly into her skin. She dug her spoon into his cup again. He watched her with narrowed eyes as she took it between her lips again.

“Wuh?” She asked, meeting his eyes with the spoon still pressed to her tongue. “I like chocolate.” She said once she’d pulled the spoon out.

“Then why didn’t you order chocolate?” He asked deadpanned.

“Because I also like pistachio.” She said with a shrug. “And _you_ like chocolate. This way, I get both.” She said with a cheeky grin. He couldn’t deny her that, he supposed. “How much was it, anyway?” She asked, swirling her spoon in her own cup this time. He hummed vaguely as he watched her plop it into her mouth, and then continuing to watch as her tongue darted out to lick away at the spoon. “The bet. How much did you bet?”

“Uh.” He said intelligently. “Oh. A hundred ryo.” Honestly, he couldn’t remember.

“A _hundred ryo_? I’m going to kill that slime ball; I’m worth way more than _one hundred ryo_.” Sakura was seething, and he could feel her legs tense in his lap as she ramped up for a tangent. He bit back the laugh that threatened to put him at the mercy of her wrath.

“Maybe he knew he would lose.” Kakashi suggested.

“Well, _of course_ , he was going to lose! He knows I wouldn’t do that when—” She abruptly closed her mouth with an audible _snap_ and her face reddened. He quirked an eyebrow up at her. _Interesting_.

“When, what?” He pried, dipping his spoon into her cup of ice cream and bringing a small bite to his lips. It was disgusting.

“What?”

“You wouldn’t do that _when what_?” He pressed, watching her face redden further as she scrambled for an answer that was both untrue and believable.

“When he is the biggest manslut in Konoha.” She said finally, with a little sniff of disdain.

“Slut-shaming? Very unlike you.” He pointed out. “If you’re going to lie, you should do it better.”

“What do you know? You’re the worst liar in Fire.” She said before digging her spoon into the last of his ice cream in defiance.

“You shouldn’t lie to your Hokage, Sakura-chan.”

“I should when my Hokage is a shameless perv.”

She lifted the spoon to her mouth and he dove for it, just to teach her a lesson. She grunted as she moved it further of his reach and toward her mouth as she leaned away from him. She managed to get the spoon between her lips, but only just; she had left an impressive smear across her mouth in the process.

“Look what you’ve done.” She grumbled unhappily, reaching into her bag to grab a tissue. He wasn’t sure what possessed him to do what he did next.

Actually, he was very sure of what had possessed him. How long had he been wanting to kiss her? Really kiss her, not a brush of the lips in the training grounds with her clone, before she’d made off with Icha Icha Paradise. He didn’t have an answer for that, it had just kind of occurred to him one day that she was lovely and brilliant and he enjoyed spending all of his free time with her. And that her lips always looked dewy and pillowy soft, and that her lip balm smelled like cherries. Real cherries, not that horrible synthetic scent.

So he pressed his lips to hers, pulled her bottom lip into his mouth and ran his tongue along it, tasting the combination of chocolate and cherry chapstick. She squeaked in surprise, but that passed quickly and it wasn’t long before she was kissing him back. She was eager, he noted with a smirk. He slanted his mouth across hers, gently lapping at her lips, and swiping away any mess she’d made.

He was on the fence about pulling away, but the small sound of protest she made as he moved away was reason enough to do it. He didn’t want to admit that it fuelled some primal part of him, but there it was.

“Tease.” She whispered, pouting at him.

“Well, if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black, I don’t know what is.” He said with a sigh as he leaned back against the bench, thoroughly pleased with himself.

* * *

Eros found them canoodling on a park bench of all places. They looked awfully cozy, with Sakura’s legs draped over Kakashi’s lap, his hands curled around them as they leaned into each other, smiling and flirting, and no doubt plotting ways to ruin it, like they always did.

He was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But the longer he waited, the more comfortable they seemed to get. Sakura’s arm was slung around Kakashi’s shoulders, her fingers tracing loops into his suit jacket. Kakashi still had his hands curled around her leg, but he was leaning heavily into the arm she had wrapped around him as they made eyes at each other and discussed some horribly mundane shinobi business that had no business in a flirty conversation, but Eros supposed they wouldn’t be them if it were any other way.

“So, how did you know I wouldn’t go for it with Genma?” Sakura asked with a teasing smile. Kakashi chucked under his breath.

“Call it a hunch.”

“I’ll call you Rokudaddy for a week if you don’t tell me this instant.” She threatened with a sweet smile.

“You have a complete disregard for your station.”

“Yes,” she said. “What about it?”

“And a complete disregard for me.”

“Yes.”

“You’re fired.”

She laughed and cooed at him softly, blinking at him innocently in a look that very distinctly said _“oh, you poor thing”_.

“Whatever you say, Hokage-sama.” She teased. Eros thought Kakashi should have known better. Eros had lost track of the amount of times Kakashi had tried to fire her after the tenth occurrence. Every time, Sakura just laughed and waited for him to honour whatever request she had made that had prompted him to fire her.

“I just knew you wouldn’t.” He said with a helpless shrug. “The same way you know that I don’t eat sweets, and that I could never fire you.” He told her with an embarrassed smile.

“You could never fire me because you’d be lost without me.” She pointed out.

“Here’s the deal; I’ll tell you how I knew you wouldn’t when you tell me _why_ you wouldn’t.” He proposed. She considered it, but she was shaking her head. Clearly the risk was too high.

“No way. I spent enough time around Tsunade-shishou to know a bad deal when I see one.”

“That’s the deal, Sakura-chan. Take it or leave it.”

She left it. Eros was furious.

* * *

He had wasted ample time on Ino and Genma, hoping the two flirt-machines would rub off on their friends. Instead, the two of them were rubbing off on each other, and Hatake and Haruno were dillydallying through the village without a care in the world. It would be sweet except nothing _juicy_ was happening, and Eros needed juice to live. It was his oxygen.

He supposed he could fixate on the way Kakashi’s eyes drifted to Sakura’s bottom in her clingy blue dress, or the way Sakura wrapped her slender fingers around Kakashi’s wrist whenever she got particularly animated with the conversation.

He forced the toe of Sakura’s shoe to get caught on a raised crack in the sidewalk, sending her tumbling into Kakashi. Kakashi was dutiful in catching her, his hands wrapped around her waist and holding her to his front as he grinned down at her.

“Are you falling for me, Sakura-chan?” He teased. Sakura blushed. Eros squealed.

“Shut up.” She mumbled, lightly swatting at his chest. He chuckled lowly before they continued walking.

These would all be wonderful signs if they hadn’t been tiptoeing for literal _years_. Eros was getting blue balls just watching them.

Kakashi walked Sakura home. Another good sign, but a regular occurrence for these two. Eros almost gave up and went back to Genma and Ino. At least those two knew how to get down to business. He just needed one of them to grow a pair and _go for it_.

He stood beside them on Sakura’s stoop, eyeing them closely.

“Do you feel like someone is watching us?” Kakashi asked, his eyes darting around in suspicion.

“You’re paranoid, Kakashi.” She said with an exasperated sigh.

“Of course I’m paranoid, I’m a ninja.” He dismissed. “Are you telling me you don’t feel that?”

“Of course I do; I’ve been feeling it for the last few weeks.”

“Maybe you’re the paranoid one, Sakura-chan.”

“Remind me to never confide in you again.” She muttered dryly. “Do you want to come up? I picked up some of that tea you like, the last time I went to the southern province.” Kakashi grinned under his mask and followed her in. Eros trudged behind them unhappily. To anyone else, that would have been a proposition. To Kakashi, it was tea.

A commotion across the street had the three of them pausing in the doorway to turn and inspect just what exactly was going on. Aburame Shino and Inuzuka Kiba were engaged in what looked like a wrestling match under the streetlamps.

“You are behaving more unusually than normal. And that is saying something.” Shino said calmly as he forced his palm against Kiba’s face, shoving him away from himself. Kiba was latched onto him around the middle, though, so Shino was not about to get very far. Eros watched with a frown.

He was vaguely aware of Sakura and Kakashi shrugging carelessly and making their way into her home, but Eros couldn’t tear his eyes away from Shino and Kiba.

“Just—let me love you!” Kiba cried, forcing his face back toward Shino’s.

“I will not do that. Why? Because this is weird.”

“It’s not _weird_!” Kiba said, but Shino had finally broken free and was making a break for it. “You can’t resist me forever, my little lovebug!”

Eros sighed and went after them. He had a sneaking suspicion he’d just found the mistaken target of his love arrow.

* * *

“Whoever it was is gone.” Sakura mumbled as she locked the door behind Kakashi.

“I feel it, too.”

“Maybe it was Genma? It’s not midnight just yet; maybe he thought he could make a last ditch effort.” She joked as she slipped out of her shoes and down to her regular height. She tilted her head back to smile up at him. “You should have upped the stakes.”

“How so?” He asked as he followed her toward the kitchen.

“Well, the bet was that Genma would either get to me by midnight, or he wouldn’t.” She said as she filled her kettle with water. “You didn’t bet on yourself.” She said with a small smile and teasing eyes once she turned to face him, placing the kettle on the stovetop. Kakashi stared at her blankly.

“Why would I do that?” He asked after a long moment of silence. There was a small smirk tugging at her lips.

“No reason.” She said. She walked around her kitchen bar and presented her back to him. “I need to change out of this thing. Unzip me?” She peered at him over her shoulder but he avoided meeting her eyes. He had put his mask back up once they’d moved from that bench, but she could still see that his cheeks were pink. His fingers brushed against the skin of her back as he tugged at the small zipper. She could feel that the dress was gaping in the back, but he was still holding her by her hip in front of him.

Just as she was about to turn to question him, she felt his lips brush softly against the base of her neck, warm and parted and far more intoxicating than the drinks she’d consumed at the party.

Just as quickly as he’d kissed her, he let her go. Giving her a gentle shove toward the hall to her bedroom, pretending as if absolutely nothing had happened. She huffed a little to herself as she stepped into her bedroom. If that was how he wanted to do this, then two could play it that way.

When she stepped back into the kitchen to see him pulling two mugs out of her cupboard, she was wearing the sweater he had sent her home in the week prior. He nearly dropped her favourite mug.

“Butterfingers.” She teased as she pulled herself up onto the counter to watch as he dropped a teabag into each cup, just in time for the kettle to start screeching.

“That’s my sweater.” He said absently as he poured the boiling water into their cups.

“Your sweater, your robe, your book…I wonder what else I can take from you?” She said, feigning innocence as she grinned at him.

“You forgot my dignity.”

“You never had any of that, sensei.” She pointed out. He heaved a wearied sigh and slumped over. His eyes were pleading when he turned his face back up to her. As much fun as she was having teasing him, she couldn’t help but peel his mask back and pull him up to meet her lips. He softened against her, leaning into her kiss and she felt that he had rather forgiven her for her barb.

“You can keep the sweater.” He mumbled against her lips.

“Thank you, benevolent Rokudaddy.” She whispered. She was pretty sure she could hear the snap of his last nerve breaking.

* * *

By the time Eros had caught up with Kiba and Shino, he was halfway tempted to knock another arrow and hit Shino with it. He had no business interfering with them—other than that it was entertaining—but he needed _someone_ to fall in love, because his targets were being infuriatingly uncooperative.

He was immensely disappointed to see that the lights in Sakura’s apartment were already switched off when he returned. With a sigh, he headed home.

In the darkness of her apartment, it was easy for him to miss the extra pair of shoes sat by her front door.

* * *

“So, all that pussyfooting around we’ve been doing?” Sakura asked, face tilted up at Kakashi while she traced over the scars on his chest. Her cheeks were still flushed from exertion, but she hoped the moonlight filtering in through her blinds was too dim for him to see that.

“Completely pointless.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I’ve been having fun.” She said with a smirk.

“You’re a sadist.” He retorted, pressing a kiss to her Byakugou seal.

“It’s also kinda funny watching everyone around us try to get involved.” She said, smiling at the thought of Genma and Ino plotting against them. “How long do you think it will take them to figure it out?”

“I give it a week. You’re a wildly unsubtle creature.”

“Is that why it took you two whole years to finally make a move?” She asked, not at all disguising her derision.

“Was just biding my time,” he said. “I wanted to see how far you’d go. Flashing me a glimpse of that red thong under my sweater was a pretty good finish line, I think.” She felt her flush deepen.

“That was Ino’s idea.” She admitted.

“Remind me to thank her.”

* * *

They were fast approaching year three of Eros’ biggest failure as an immortal being. Valentine’s Day. Damn the Roman Empire and their depiction of him as a damn baby. He hadn’t worn a diaper in centuries, thank you very much. Still, he hoped the day would bring him some luck.

This time, Sakura had opted to personally deliver a bouquet of flowers that she absolutely knew would get on Kakashi’s nerves, because fresh flowers always sent his nose into a tizzy. There was a little hand-written card that read _‘Be my Rokudaddy_ ’. Eros wasn’t sure if that would attract, or aggravate Kakashi, but he was interested in finding out. He had a feeling it would be a bit of both.

Sakura strolled into his office without so much as a knock. He looked up from his pile of scrolls to fix her with a displeased look.

“Good afternoon, Hokage-sama.” She said in a sickly-sweet tone of voice that had Kakashi’s eyebrows knotting together. His nose was already twitching as he glared at the bouquet in her arms.

“No.” He said adamantly before turning his attention back to his scrolls.

“That’s the spirit.” She teased, setting the flowers down and turning the vase around so he could see the little card poking out. He reluctantly lifted his eyes again, but his scowl eased considerably when he read the card.

“I’ll consider it.” He said lowly, dark eyes meeting hers meaningfully. Eros frowned. Something was going on here. Since when did Kakashi blatantly meet Sakura’s teasing with burning passion? Sakura pushed aside a stack of papers to make room for her rump so she could perch herself on his desk, as usual.

“You’re usually not so quick to concede.” She said with a laugh.

“I’m a reasonable leader.” He said, leaning back in his chair to appraise her shamelessly. She raised a dubious eyebrow at his words, but her lips twitched up into a smile as his eyes roamed her freely.

As shocking and thrilling as the exchange was, Eros refused to take any chances this time around. They were in close quarters, no one was running around, or pinning down, or flipping over anyone else, and _this time_ he would not miss. Today was the day. _Suck it Philia_.

His arrow sunk into Sakura’s back and straight through to her heart.

With a little gasp she slipped off the desk and onto his lap, wasting no time in pulling down his mask and pressing her mouth to his. Kakashi accepted her happily, his hand sitting high on her thigh while the other held her by the waist, pulling her tight to his chest.

Eros was torn. On one hand, _finally_. On the other hand, his arrow rarely had such drastic effects. He had only seen it once before, when he accidentally hit the same target twice, a year apart.

“I _FUCKING_ KNEW IT!!!” Came a shout before a shimmering shadow gave way to one angry ANBU, pointing an accusatory finger at the lip-locked couple. Genma tore his mask off to glare at the pair of them.

“Guess the cat’s out of the bag.” Kakashi said with a smirk, hiding his face in Sakura’s neck while he slipped his mask back up.

“I guess that means he doesn’t have fish lips?” Another ANBU emerged from a show.

“Congratulations, Hokage-sama. Sakura-chan.” Came another voice, feminine and timid.

“You owe me dinner.” Kakashi muttered, dryly casting a look at his nosy guard. He didn’t seem very upset. Eros on the other hand, was deeply upset.

“I don’t know what came over me.” Sakura said with a shy smile. “Suddenly, I just couldn’t stop myself.” Kakashi’s mask couldn’t hide his smug grin.

The reality of it struck Eros. These assholes were already together. How long had he been tearing his hair out, chasing them around, scribbling notes and plotting, meanwhile, they were already sneaking around together?

He could feel his godly duties being stripped away. They had made a fool of him.

“All of you, out.” He said, not tearing his gaze from Sakura. The ANBU in the room snickered.

“Get it, Rokudaddy!” Kakashi’s eyebrow twitched as the fourth, and final ANBU finally piped up from the shadows.

“What? No viewing privileges?” Genma asked. “After everything I’ve done?”

“It’s our duty to stand guard, Hokage-sama.”

“Just show me your lips.”

“You’re all—”

“ _Fired_.” The room of shinobi piped up around him, finishing his sentence in exasperation. Kakashi glared at Sakura in betrayal as she giggled at his expense.

**Author's Note:**

> im eros and eros is me. I’d like to think kaka and saku lasted at least a solid month before they outed themselves
> 
> this was meant to be a lil vday fic but it really ran away from me and it has basically nothing to do with valentine’s day but whatever here it is!
> 
> also unstated, but I would like to think the fourth anbu is anko cuz that seems like some shit she would do
> 
> tumblr: bl1ndbraavosi


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